Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat