So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
