i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.