I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.