I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.