Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
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Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?