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My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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