I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
