Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
