Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
