you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
