Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
