So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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