I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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