I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
