Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
