Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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