it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
