i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
