She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
