My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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