dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
