Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
