i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
