Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
