I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
