I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
