I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
