Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
