ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
