i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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