So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
