My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
