found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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