so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize