Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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