I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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