Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
