We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
