Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need moral support for this bender
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
