We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
