Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
