My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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