for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
