Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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