Apparently you make a good broom.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
