Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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