i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
