You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize