Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
