He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
