he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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