I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
