I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
