im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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