I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
