we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
