I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
