good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
