You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
