my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
