Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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