Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
