the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
