oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
