I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
