She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sobbing to NWA
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
