I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
