I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
