I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
