hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
