So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
