I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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