we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
