community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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