I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize