You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
