yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The power of my boobs compel you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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