I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
