I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
