Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
