I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
