feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
