I think I am morally bankrupt
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
