her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
