She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
