You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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