that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
