Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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