Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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