The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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