Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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