i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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