I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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